I Just Want Jesus

I'm currently sitting in a really old, beautiful chapel that's a part of a 600-year-old monastery. The monastery is nestled right in the middle of the alps and surrounded by clouds that are lightly resting on the tips of the mountains. It's drizzling today, but it's the kind of rain that is refreshing and sounds so beautiful as it hits the gravel. There's a really cute guy kneeling in the front pew gazing at the monstrance as tears well up in his eyes, there is a nun sitting in front of me reading the words of her Beloved, and there is a couple to my right quietly praying together.

In Gaming, at every single moment, I am surrounded by overwhelming beauty that reminds me of the gift it is to be living and studying here this semester.

But today I find myself wondering...
Would I still want Jesus if this was all taken away?

I mean right now this scene around me is calming. And beautiful. And joyful. And quiet. And peaceful. There's witnesses of holy people in every direction I turn. My cute journal that I'm writing in makes my heart content and I love the aesthetic of being here.

But what if it was all taken away...

If there was no rain falling.
If there were no mountains surrounding.
If there was no 600-year-old monastery.
If these holy people were gone.
If I didn't have this cute journal.
If I wasn't in this cozy, little chapel.
If I wasn't in this aesthetically pleasing scene.

Would I still want Jesus?

Would I still desire to adore Him in the Eucharist?
Would I still long to spend time with Him?

I don't want to just assume that my answer would be yes.

I get sick to my stomach thinking about how it has kind of become the trend to do the whole "Christian" thing. To use pretty words like "grace" and "spirit" and "truth" and "abba".

Because Jesus Christ is so much more than being associated with calligraphy in journals and watercolor painted Bibles and mugs with bible verses. He is so much more than an aesthetically pleasing Instagram picture. He is so much more than a name to be tossed around in order to sound trendy.

Jesus Christ was nailed to old, rotting wood with scrap nails, brutally killed, and cruelly crucified for me. Jesus Christ is the sweet, fierce Savior of my soul who rose from the dead to the heavenly kingdom to save me. To give me victory. To love me. To forgive me. To be with me. 

He is King of Kings.
He is Lord of Lords.
He is Alpha and Omega.

These are titles of my beloved Jesus.
These are titles that demand overwhelming honor.
Titles that cut straight to my core.
Titles that bring admiration with trembling.

I want to praise His name even if it's not trendy. Or popular. Or cool. Or encouraged.
I want to spend time with Him in adoration even if I'm not sitting in a pretty little chapel where I can hear the rain falling and see the clouds kissing the mountains.
I want to desire to spend time with Him even if I'm not accompanied by my cute prayer journal to draw beautiful calligraphy in and even when I have no iced coffee to sip on as I meditate on His word.
I want His praises to be on my lips even if the songs aren't known by the masses and the words don't flow with a sweet melody.

I don't care if it's all taken away.

The chapel journaling times, the cute little captions that accompany my perfect Instagram aesthetic, the view of the mountains, the holy people I have around me, the 600-year-old monastery, the rain...

Take it all away.

I don't care about any of it because I just want Jesus.

I want words of real and deep admiration to flow freely from my lips.
I want His word to be stored at the very core of my soul.
I want my heart to overflow with thankfulness and passion at the sound of His name.
I want a love for Him that goes deeper than the beauty of my surrounding circumstances.
I want a relationship with Him that takes root so deep it can withstand the winds of the rapidly changing Christian trends.

In the dark. In the light.
In isolation. In community.
In the popular. In the persecution.
With journals. With scraps of paper.
With flowers. With weeds.
In a beautiful, old chapel. In a basement, hiding from persecution.
In the beautiful and in the brutal.

I just want Jesus.